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Jezebel [userpic]

You big bunch of enablers, you!

August 4th, 2011 (08:57 pm)

I have been told by a wise and formidable woman (well, daphyn ) that relapsing into LJ is not only allowed, it is encouraged.

However, I have accidentally had a few pints and no food and my brain has gone walkabout, so this entry shall mostly consist of -

Hi. I'm on Twitter. Say hi to @Gem_Clair.

JZ x

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Jezebel [userpic]


July 31st, 2011 (10:54 am)

It turns out, sitting in the back garden, drinking too much wine, till midnight, at my parents' house does actually open the secret door to 2004, (where LJ was waiting like a small, yappy type dog!)

I wonder how I get through the door to 1977? That probably involves absinthe and chucking rockstar hissy fits in hotel rooms, doesn't it? I might put that off for a bit, actually.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Jezebel [userpic]


July 30th, 2011 (10:03 pm)

There is absolutely no reason to get obsessed with yet another social network, but LJ was my online crack long before I started shooting up FaceBook and smoking Twitter, so I figure it's more of a relapse than anything else.

(Pushing the drug metaphor a little far? Yeah, thought so!)

Anyway, hello, old friends. I'm kind of temporarily possibly back.

JZ x

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Jezebel [userpic]

Easing in gently, with texty madness.

February 13th, 2010 (05:04 pm)

beans: cold

My old text messages make me laugh.

'Too much Goldschlager leads to getting eaten by alligators. Now there's a lesson on the evils of drinking!'
- from a random episode of CSI Miami.

'Well, everything's gone  a bit Captain Trips. A____'s been sick, called the doctor and been sent home with instructions to get a course of Tami Flu tablets. M______ also feels poorly, so she rang her doctor - he's out on a call but the receptionist says to call back because it sounds likely that she's got swine flu too. It's like the soddding Stand in here, I'm frightened to sneeze.' 
- as my workplace goes down with the plague.

'That's not desperately useful! Like you're going to have time to pen a strongly  worded letter as you flee in shrieking terror from the shambling armies of the homicidal, brain hungry undead.'
-when I found out that Chinese zombies can jump, but can be stopped by putting words in their heads. Or something.

'Fucking stopping in the middle of the street, jumping on each other for an excessive hug and screaming like banshees. It's not like you've all circumnavigated to globe, or been trapped in the Belgian Congo for three years, you ridiculous, over-emotional twats. You've been away for Uni for three weeks! For the love of God, rein it in!'
- at the return of the Durham students.

'How come we can put a man on the moon, but we can't design a nail varnish that dries fast enough that you don't smudge it the moment you touch anything?
'Because men care about science and space travel and rocket powered stuff, so they put their best minds on the job. They don't care about nail varnish, or about making mascara wands out of something soft so that when you invariably stab yourself in the eye, you don't cry and wreck the rest of your eye make up.'
-Lily and I complain about the unfairness of life.

'If you're lucky enough to perform with the legend that is Queen Stevie Of Nicks, you don't relegate her to backing vocals and tambourine whilst you pollute the stage with your off-key, blonde, country-pop nonsense. You do her songs, if she lets you, and you do them anyway she wants you to!'
- on Taylor Swift and Stevie Nicks at the Grammys.

'How is it I can fearlessly navigate the respective underground systems of London, New York, Boston and Atlanta, yet the Metro in Newcastle freaks me out?'
- I have a very bad day.

'There's a guy in the bus station with a 'I-should-be-in-prison-but-they-don't-have-room-for-me-so-I'm-wandering-the-streets-and-do-you-like-my-penal-system-bling' tag on his ankle. Turns out, not reassuring, just scary.'
- proving that I am nowhere near as hard as I like to think I am!

Jezebel [userpic]

A distinct lack of girlness.

August 17th, 2009 (04:16 pm)

beans: bored
ears: Sex On Fire - Kings Of Leon

Here's what's got me worried.

This morning, I got up, got dressed, put very little make up on and went to town. I went into every clothes shop there was and bought absolutely nothing.
Then, I went on the internet specifically to check my team's league standings in Fantasy Football (which has eaten my brain, and for the first and probably only time in my life, makes me concerned about the state of Steven Gerrard's groin.)
Then I managed to get ready for a wedding in less than 20 minutes, including a change of clothes and re-doing my hair and makeup.

To top it off, when I got to the wedding my brother was wearing a kilt, which as masculine as it sounds, is still a skirt, which he looked better in than I usually do.

I've never been a girly girl, but I think it might actually be time to resign my female status.

I don't want to be a man, though. Is there a third gender?

Jezebel [userpic]


August 11th, 2009 (01:50 pm)

current location: my house
beans: frazzled
ears: Long Distance Roundaround - yes

Morning all.
(Well, afternoon, really, but most of my f-list is at least 5 hours behind me, so the law of averages says it'll be morning for most of you.)

lily_st_regis has gone mad, but in all fairness, she is having a very very bad time of storyboarding. And now she's progressed to Projectile Pencils in my living room. I maybe should have said no when she said, 'shall I make more coffee?'
Too late now!
Mwaa haa haa haa! (That's my caffeine overdose laugh, btw.)

I'm having Life Disillusionment Issues. I'm fairly certain that about three weeks ago, I really liked my job. And I do still like my job, the parts that involve talking to people and all the books, but the backstage stuff is driving me right up the wall and across the ceiling a little bit.

Oh, and I'm so over this Twitter thing.

Actually, no, that's not quite accurate, cos I like sneaking little glimpses into real people's lives.
I'm over the Z-list celebrity Twitter thing.
Partly because I don't I understand how you can say anything in 140 characters, but mostly because, if you've only got 140 characters to think about, HOW COME YOU STILL CAN'T SPELL?? And why is it suddenly the only way of getting a point across in the ongoing saga of your terrible marriage breakdown, or what ever self induced crisis you're inflicting on the public at this particular moment.
We get all the info - at great length, whether we want it or not - anyway, so how much light does your mispelled e-blip shed on the situation?
Mindless celebrities +Twittering = Twats.

Ok, off chest now.

And my brain won't behave. I need it to knuckle down and write some more of it's stupid new story and it doesn't want to. it wants to play on the internet and watch Veronica Mars and drink too much coffee and generally piss me off!
It's enough to make you wish for bio-tech, or to be a cyborg, cos then at least you could program yourself to do want you wanted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

I'm getting help, I promise.

Jz x

Jezebel [userpic]

My heart is broken.

June 7th, 2009 (05:31 pm)

beans: devastated

I came online today to fill my post with random inane rubbish, but in wandering through cyber space I just got sucker punched.

David Eddings, fantasy legend, died on June 2nd at the age of 77.

I've loved David's work since I was probably too young to read it, and can think of no other writer whose stories inhabit my head so completely. David and his equally brilliant wife, Leigh, who died in 2007, managed to pick my brain out of my head, turn it inside out and give it back to me absolutely transformed.
It was The Belgariad that opened my eyes to fantasy, and to the reality of unreality. Without it, I'd have never read Lord of The Rings, or explored the Discworld. I'd have never opened my brain to the likes of Neil Gaiman, and I'd be a poorer person for it.

Rest in peace, David. You were utterly brilliant, and you've left us a legacy that shines.

Jezebel [userpic]

A plan for the future.

June 2nd, 2009 (10:23 pm)
ears: CSIami

When I grow up, I want to be Calleigh Duquesne.

Can someone sort that out for me, please?

Jezebel [userpic]

'And, lo, so it came to pass, Jez got off her ass and got broadband in her new house.'

April 23rd, 2009 (11:10 pm)

current location: Sacriston
beans: peaceful

Yes indeed, after having moved into my new house and said at least 3 times a week since October that I needed to get the internet in my new house, I finally did it.
And it's lovely. I can check email, and watch the BBC for the news, and do research for work, and arrange  for the plumber to come to my new house and of course, LJ can creep back out af the ether and chew absently on my cerebrum for evermore.

So anyway, I'm still here, in my new house I'm still grouchy, sarky, prone to hysterics, likely to be more worried about everyone else than myself and still completely totally bat-shit crazy bonkers madMADMAD.

Jez  x

Oh, and did I mention,  I bought a house?

Jezebel [userpic]

SMS stand for Strange Mad ...something else

September 24th, 2008 (06:50 pm)

Or, 'What happens when my cracked brain, and the cracked brain of my very best friend, spills out in text message form.'

Right, so lily_st_regis  and I have a tendency to watch mad TV programmes. Currently, the ‘House Of Crack Fuelled Programming’ that is ITV is showing a series called ‘Lost In Austen’, where a girl not all together dissimilar from ourselves finds a door in her bathroom, and ends up in the middle of Pride and Prejudice.

Honestly, it is a real show, I promise.

Anyway, I’m English, female and single. Pride and Prejudice is practically my second bible. Therefore, I want an invisible magical door next to my toilet that deposits me amongst the fictional inhabitants of classic literature. Like any other sensible girl, so does Lily, which is where THIS conversation started.Collapse )
(Bonus points for anyone who can spot all of the pop-culture references. We’re actually turning into the Gilmore Girls, it’s a little worrying.)

Jezebel [userpic]

A new hutch for my plot bunnies.

July 15th, 2008 (10:38 pm)

beans: crazy

I've got a new LJ, especially and only for my random wordy outbursts!
No longer will random ass crack fuelled prose clutter up this page - now it gets to clutter all over northern_ink, where it won't get in the way of my thrilling and deeply interesting life.

(I am actually delusional tonight, because I made pie, it's a full-on sugar coma in a graham cracker crust, and I ate 3 pieces. Bad Jez.)

All mad fictitious rambles are there from now on.

That's all.
Jez x

Jezebel [userpic]

Slightly 'after the fact' Doctor Who ramble.

July 9th, 2008 (09:59 pm)

beans: artistic

Uber uber quick, because I'm all twitchy today, and because I'd been drinking when I watched Doctor Who, so it's all a little hazy anyway...

In other slightly exciting news, I won the internal short story competiton at Waterstones, which means my story goes into the postcard book along with a whole bunch of people who are infinitely more brilliant and talented than me.

I'm a little bit proud. (OK, so I'm stupidly over excited, but I'm trying to be humble here.)

And... that's it.

Jez x

Jezebel [userpic]

Elvendork. Good for boys and girls.

June 11th, 2008 (08:40 pm)

Ok, so most of you probably know this already but the fabulous J K Rowling has written an 800 word snippet of a Potter prequel for a charity auction, held by the company I work for, Waterstone's.

It's classic Potter, or original Potter, i guess you could say, but I'l not spoil it.
She's not the only author to have done so- there are 13 stories in total, including stories by Neil Gaiman, Sebastian Faulks, Tom Stoppard, Lauren Child, Irvine Welsh and others, and I just think the whole idea is brilliant!

It must be said, I'm very proud to have the job I have today.

But it doesn't stop there!
Oh no sirree Bob!

There will be a book prduced, containing all the stories, plus three that are written by the winners of our What's Your Story competition,
To finally get round to the point, (yes I know, shush,) those of you in the UK and Ireland can still enter this competition. Details are here, get your plot bunnies out of their cages and get writing!

That is all.

Jez x

Jezebel [userpic]

Indiana Jones and...

May 26th, 2008 (10:56 pm)
Tags: ,

beans: bitchy

I intend to ramble for a fair while about the new Indiana Jones movie. If you haven't seen it, and want to...

It just wasn't a cohesive whole. Bits of it were good, but it never really gelled as a movie, and I found it hard to care about anyone, including Indy, and I pretty much wanted him to be my dad when I was 9.

Should have left well enough alone, guys.

In related news, another thing that's pissing me off is Eurovision, and the pointlessness of us competing each year.
Only the British will really understand what I'm talking about, so to all you non-Brits, which is most of you, ignore this random rant: Eurovision is a yearly exercise in stupidity, and I so do not have the strength to explain it fully, since I'll weep, but basically, it's like European Idol, but less Simon Cowell and more really dodgy dancing.

Mind you, it is worth YouTube-ing the entries from Latvia, Bosnia Herzegovina, Azerbaijan, Finland and Ireland.
Yes, these are all real.
No, we are not cooking up a continent wide April Fool.
Yes, we do this every year.
No, mad cow disease has not broken out again.

Anyway, I got annoyed - again - and wrote to the BBC - again.

Dear lovely BBC people,
I've just spent the evening watching Eurovision, which teetered, as always, on the fine line between madness and brilliance. And I have to admit; I was really quite enjoying it, though the Azerbaijani demon-angel hybrids might well give me nightmares.
Until the voting, when it all went horribly wrong. Even Sir Terry seemed a little depressed and who can blame him? Andy Abraham did a great job, with a good song and deserved far more recognition than he received.
All this is a roundabout way of asking exactly why we still compete in this Eastern European ego boost, and how much are we paying for the privilege of being ignored?
Without Sir Terry, whose commentary is always the highlight of this daft political circus, I'd have switched off after the Bosnian brides on laundry day.

I should stop bitching really, but my licence fee pays for this spectacle and I disapprove.
(And finding the right links for those songs has got them all stuck in my head, so I'm off to listen to Metallica.)

J x

Jezebel [userpic]


May 21st, 2008 (07:26 pm)

beans: shitting myself


327 words out of 1500 with 3 hours to go equals ARGH!!


ETA - I rock. I am Queen Of All Things. particularly those thing that involve squeezing 1150 coherent words out of my arse in 3 hours and 18mins.

(And that includes 30 mins and a penalty shootout worth of men in shorts.)

(And a minor depression, because I was cheering for Chelsea.)

Jezebel [userpic]

Yeah. I can fly.

May 11th, 2008 (07:47 pm)

beans: impressed
ears: AC/DC - Highway To Hell

(Ok, so I've already said most of this to summersdream, but it should be said again.)

OMG with the whoop do doop and buckets of YAY for Iron Man, and the explosions and the shiny shiny things and the complete and unashamed lack of plot and the ridiculous amount of unexpected hotness that is Robert Downey Jr!!!
Ooh, he's all sweaty and sarky and deadpan and oooh!
Phwoar, as we say in my country. (Well, I don't, but that's not the point.)
And a cracking soundtrack, as well as bonus points to Gwyneth Paltrow for a) not being a completely useless sidekick and b) not falling on her ass in those huge skyscraper heels. Good on you, girl.

It's just so much fun.

See, that, right there, that is what a super hero movie is supposed to be like. None of this angsting over your girl-next-door true love, or stressing about touching people in case they die, or stupid green lumps of CGI bouncing about the place. *

Take note, all Hollywood Movie type peeps.
Once you've picked your classic comic book character, research them thoroughly (which means don't muck up the timelines and histories and yes I'm talking to you, people in charge of X Men.) Find the right director and actors, who may not be the ones the studio want in the roles, write a single, strong, focused plotline, and follow through on the promise of the early trailers.

Or, to simplify
Watch Iron Man
Do. It. Like. That.

* (Just  to point out, I very much enjoyed all the Spidermans and the X-Mens, but Hulk is two hours of my life lost forever in a godawful hell dimension.)

Jezebel [userpic]

Summer! A bucket and a half of yay!

May 6th, 2008 (07:21 pm)

beans: buzzed
ears: Fall Out Boy - Thanks For The Memories

(it's about bloody time, mind!)

Summer is great!
And, yes, I know it's only may, and I'm counting my chickens while they're still inside the original chickens, but I so don't care.

Checklist of seriously good things about today -
Converitbles with the top down.
Wearing your sunglasses for the first time.
Walking to work in little more than a vest.
Sky so blue it hurts.
And not to sound shallow, but oh my god, hooray for boys in shorts!!


I love summer. (even when it's still only Spring.)

Jezebel [userpic]

St George. Legend.

April 23rd, 2008 (07:02 pm)

beans: proud


Tis St George's Day!
A time to be patriotic, and wave flags and be proud that I'm the nation of Elizabeth I, II, and Victoria. Shakespeare. Churchill. The Who. Judi Dench. Jonny Wilkinson's right foot. All of Jonny Wilkinson, come to that.
(Apologies to Richard Curtis.)

Also a good day for vanquishing a large scaly fire-breathing dragon with a shiny broadsword!
(You know, if a large scaly fire-breathing dragon happens to cross your path and you happen to be carrying a shiny broadsword. )


I'm off to the pub to do the whole St Paddy's Day drinking thing when it's actually relevant to the country I live in!
Tea and crumpets all round, God save the Queen, Tally ho!

'And did those feet,
In ancient time,
walk upon England's mountains green...'

Jezebel [userpic]

(no subject)

April 19th, 2008 (12:11 pm)

Who decided Mariah Carey was allowed a new album?

Can I has machete, plz?

Jezebel [userpic]

Organised Religion = Crazy (and isn't very organised)

March 15th, 2008 (11:39 am)

beans: angry

The world is madder than anything has ever been ever.
Insanity is raining down from the sky, and drowning me in crazy.

March the 17th is St Patrick's Day .
It has always been and will always be so. He's a Patron Saint, it's his day.

The madness that is the Catholic Church has MOVED St. Patricks day from March 17th to March 15th, so that - wait for it - so that it doesn't fall in Holy Week, the official Catholic celebration of Easter.

All this boils down to the fact that - even thought I'm only about a quarter Irish -  I refuse to play along. Monday is the 17th, therefore Monday is St Patrick's Day, and no amount of dogmatic mumbo jumbo invented to retain the sanctity of a religious holiday based on the Pagan lunisolar calendar will make me change my mind.

(If anyone needs me, I'll be outside, waiting for a celestial bolt of lightning to strike me down.)

Jez x

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